


Orange

by catsarecool27



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: #Supercorp, I Don't Even Know, also this is weird watch out, but i support fully, don't really care, i dont know, not really about the relationships, this sucks, what is this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-09
Updated: 2018-11-09
Packaged: 2019-08-21 03:12:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16568531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catsarecool27/pseuds/catsarecool27
Summary: Maya has had an interesting past, to say the least.She is the strongest person you can ever meet, but also the weakest.What happens when all of it catches up with her? What even is "all of it"?Note: main character is and invention of mine (clearly) and not actually in Supergirl





	Orange

**Author's Note:**

> Note: the main character isn't actually in Supergirl, I made her up, so  
> Also in order for this to really make sense you need a lot of context that I am a) to lay to write, and b) not even sure about yet so here ya go (not that anyone wanted this)
> 
> Please comment, I want to see how much sense this actually makes!  
> Also this is kinda fucked up, and doesn't make total sense but that's ok- theres supposed to be one central "theme" that I (hopefully) presented with different examples, so idk lmk
> 
> Disclaimers: these characters are not mine  
> this is weird 
> 
> *100 milliseconds is the time it takes for you to blink

Have you ever seen a severely hypothermic patient?

It’s not pretty. 

When the body’s temperature drops into the eighties, things stop functioning. Level of consciousness is altered, body systems fail, nerves go haywire. 

A severely hypothermic patient is so cold, they're hot. 

The phenomenon is called paradoxical undressing. As people are rushed into the ER, hypothermic, doctors are ready for the worst: and then the patient starts stripping. Instead of relief, or confusion, there is dread, because they know that the patient is so cold that their their body is shutting down. All the blood previously concentrated around the vital organs is released back to the extremities, because the body has given up. The the rush of blood is warm. The person is so cold, they're hot.  

I haven't slept in four days. When I say I haven't slept I don’t mean two hours here, three hours there. I mean my eyes literally haven't closed for more than 100 milliseconds at a time in the past 96 hours. 

I need to sleep, I know I need to sleep, but I can’t stop; because every time I close my eyes I hear it. 

We were sitting in the DEO training room the other day; Lena, Kara, Alex, and Sam and I. Alex and I were giving sparring lessons, just for fun really. 

 

_ “Ugh, who thought this was a good idea.” _

_ “Oh, c’mon Sam! This is fun,” Alex grinned.  _

_ “I for one think it’s a great way to get exercise in- healthy and beneficial.” _

_ “Thank you for your input, Lena.” _

_ “Oh shut up you whiny little shit.” _

_ “Yeah, fuck you too.” _

 

Kara wanted to teach too, but she was then kindly reminded (by me) that neither Lena nor Sam knew she was Supergirl. I then proceeded to carefully show her basic skills to see just how much I could get under her skin.  

 

_ “Ok, so, the hips are the most important part. You can’t have a strong punch without a strong  _

_ foundation,” I coached.  _

_ “Should my shoulders be in line with them?” Lena asked, ever the perfectionist.  _

_ “Yeah, to start, but as you continue you can become more fluid.” _

_ “I fucking hate you, you know,” Kara whispered to me.  _

_ “Woah! Miss Danvers! Watch it with the language.” _

_ *seething glare, confused stares* _

_ “I know this is difficult for most, but it will come in due time. Believe me.” _

_ *nods of acknowledgment, an especially seething stare, snort in the background courtesy of Alex* _

 

The banter continued. It was all going fine and well, our unusual little hang out, until Kara dropped Alex’s metal water bottle on the floor. 

 

_ “Sam, I literally- what the hell” suddenly Lena jumped backward,out of reflex,, startled. I looked around, and was met with similar expressions and one sheepish grin.  _

_ “Sorry,” Kara said, gingerly picking up the bottle. At least, I think she said that. By then, the damage was done.  _

_ In an instant, the world moved away from me, and it seemed as though I was looking through the water.  Everyone moved in slow motion, words muffled. I started to panic, but I didn’t have time.  _

 

Here's what irked me: metal water bottles have dropped before, people have startled before. I am exceptionally good at controlling not only my conscious reactions, but my unconscious ones. Thank you conditioning. I can keep my heart rate down, my breathing slow, my conscious brain focused on everything. In this way, I manage to keep all the various mental illnesses I should have and probably do have under control. Well, at least symptom-free. But this time?

 

_ My vision flooded suddenly with the familiar orange light of fire, unfocused in the background. However, there was nothing warm and comforting about this fire. This fire was mean, it was angry. It’s hot malicious fingers curled and crackled, reaching for something, anything, everything. I could feel the panic rising in my throat,  but for a completely different reason than fire. Fire was nothing, I was used to fire, to it’s malous. This was different… _

_ Maisie. _

_ Maise. _

Maise.

_ A scream, not loud, but piercing. So untouched was it before that it now created the loudest sound, the emotion cutting through the night like a knife.  _

_ It burned through the soft flesh of ears. Or maybe that was just me.  _

_ A scream, innocent, pure… confused.  _

_ Suddenly, a crack. A clang of metal on concrete.  _

_ A new sound, but with no new meaning, just a new means. They were coming.  _

_ I had to move, I had to go. This was my chance. They were coming.  _

_ But I couldn’t. Because the scream was there, it hadn’t gone, and the worst part was that it didn’t know…  _

_ But then finally, it stopped. The world came back.  _

_ I turned away, to face the empty of the night, but instead they were there.  _

_ A crack. A clang of metal.  _

 

What I couldn’t figure out was, why was this time different?  

_ My eyes snap open. Where am I?  _

_ I look around, I’m in the break room.... Lena is sitting next to me, Alex and Kara are across the table  having a conversation… potstickers? Makes sense. Too much sense for them to be concerned. I glance quickly to my right, trying to catch Lena’s expression.  _

_ What the hell just happened?   _

_ She looks normal. Kara and Alex look normal. But where's Sam? Getting the doctor to sign me into the asylum?  _

_ Just then she walks back in.  _

_ “Here are your coffees!” _

_ “You're a lifesaver,” Alex grins, Sam blushing slightly. God, this must be normal if their still flirting ‘subtly.’ I can’t help but notice the way Lena rolls her eyes in knowing, and the way Kara doesn’t.  _

_ “Here, Maya,” my coffee is  handed to me with a grimace. “Your coffee with...whipped cream. This isn’t hot chocolate you know.”  _

_ I can’t answer. This is to weird, it’s too normal. For once, my conscious abandons me. Luckily, my subconscious is also highly trained- the key to any good agent, really. It saves me.  _

_ “Maybe you just haven’t tried it yet.”  _

 

So, I haven't slept in four days, because everytime I try to sleep all I hear is that. But I need to. If I keep pushing, I’ll break it. It’s been a while, and I don’t know how I’ll react. 

I used to break it all the time, because what was it whole? 

It is the threshold, the threshold between sane person and unbreakable. Because I was conditioning. They would keep me awake for days, but I was strong too, not just my threshold. It normally took them three, but for me it took them five. 

Five days of glaringly cold water in my face, of music so loud it once pierced my eardrums, of pain so sharp yet so quick you didn’t know if it was really there. But all of that was a bonus, a bonus to the five days with no sleep. Because that was my threshold, and once I crossed it, it didn’t matter. There was no time, no limits. You were so tired, so beyond gone, that you were alive. And it was the farthest from free I have ever been in my entirely short, broken life. 

I think my record was four days, which was really nine. Well, 219 hours, to be exact. But who’s counting? 

My threshold. I need to sleep, or I’ll break it. 

But everytime I close my eyes I hear it. Despite all the conditioning, I am weak. I am the strongest person on the planet, yet I am also the weakest. How can I face it?

The orange flooding my vision. The scream, it’s confusion. A crack. A clang. 

God, I hate orange. 

**Author's Note:**

> Does this make sense?  
> At one point theres a flashback within a flashback and I think that might be kind of confusing


End file.
